52 projects in 52 weeks

        I guess my story starts like most stories, with a need and an idea. I need to find purpose in my life and my husband suggested writing myself some. My name is Jessica (this is true). I am married (also true). My husband’s name is Keith (not true but let’s just say it is, okay?) We have been married a few years; no kids together and we both work at reasonable jobs. 

 

Like a lot of people, I put others' first. Go out of my way to help, mostly people I like, sometimes people I am friendly with and occasionally even people I don’t like. Some would say I am a nice person. I say blame my mother. But over the past year I’ve realized I’ve had enough and for the last few months I’ve been steeling myself up for a change. 2012 is my year, I’ve said. I’m going to learn to say ‘No’ and not feel guilty. I am going to put myself first and do things that make me happy. But here’s the thing. I have no idea how to do this. 

 

First of all, besides travel and Keith, I’m not quite sure what really makes me happy. Second, even if I figure out what it is that I want to do I’m not sure I’ll even be able to even do it, for a living that is. Thus this becomes a journey of self discovery, Yay! (Note the sarcasm, did I get too cliché?) To be honest, I do know a few things. I know I love to create and I love to write, and sometimes I get to do both at the same time. But I’m not sure if I am any good or good enough at either. Well that is sort of untrue, I sew, knit, crochet etc.. and get kudos and occasionally paid but does family and friends really count? But honestly, I have no real idea about my writing.

So my husband made a suggestion, to write about my hobbies. I craft, as my mom calls it, daily. Why not write about what I know? Sounds simple enough, right? We’ll see. Hence 52 projects in 52 weeks. I plan on creating 52 works and documenting my progress. I just wish I had (Okay my husband had) thought of this sooner because I literally spent New Year learning how to knit socks. Luckily, I started taking pictures of the progress as this was the first time I had attempted a somewhat complex knitting pattern without help. 

 

Now here’s the other thing, I want to do 52 projects, but I only have a dozen or so planned out right now. For the purposes of not driving myself mad, I have decided I can do multiples of a project and they will still count. Mostly because I promised 3 pairs of wool socks to my brother-in-law and they have to get done. Also if I get truly inspired or really enjoy a certain project I don’t want to limit myself. But 1 sock is not a completed project, that would be considered cheating, only a full pair is. Here is the list that I have thus far,

3 pairs black socks
1 pair red socks (I wanted a pair too!) (finished January 26, 2012)

1 Ewok doll (Wicket specifically, my husband bought that pattern)

1 Gir doll, from Invader Zim (finished January 15, 2012)

1 double-sided knitted star scarf in red and black

1 deer hat with antlers

1 pair penguin mittens

1 tote bag

1 sweater coat

2 crochet star pillows (finished January 15, 2012)

1 scrap material star pillow

1 Jack Skellington jacket

1 basket weave crocheted scarf in black

1 penguin doll

1 cross stitch Christmas stocking

1 swoop shirt in blue knit

1 Edgar Allan Poe Raven corset

1 Edgar Allan Poe Raven handkerchief

1 wedding scrap book

1 penguin painting abstract

1 bake and decorate a bear cake with a piping bag ( maybe added January 14, 2012)

1 painting penguin nesting dolls, set of 5, larger set (added January 19, 2012)

1 crochet an Alternate Zoidberg (added January 21, 2012)

1 luma (star) from Super Mario Galaxy (added January 24, 2012)

1 red skull henley (added January 25, 2012)

1 yellow long sleeve to go with poe shirt (added January 25, 2012)

1 vines henley (added January 25, 2012)

1 roller derby hoodie (added January 25, 2012)
1 Gir's companion pig Bacon in crochet (added January 30, 2012) 
2 pair Owl mittens knitted (added January 31, 2012) 
1 pair Penguin mittens knitted (added January 31, 2012) 
1 pair birds of paradise mittens knitted(added January 31, 2012)(Completed February 16th)
1 pair squirrel mittens knitted (added January 31, 2012)

        Now to be fair, a few of these things are already started. The sweater coat, Gir, the tote bag, the penguin doll and star pillows. But left unfinished, grossly unfinished, for no real reason, if truth be told. Hence another lesson, finish what you start, let's get some follow through. I am good at doing that in every part of my life except when it comes to me. Something is always more important. But not this year. This year happiness is most important, my happiness. I may have to remind myself of this fact but we'll see. 

        23 projects are a far cry from 52. So here dear Reader, if anyone is actually reading this, is where I ask you for suggestions. Be as creative as you like. If impossible I will let you know, but we will see what I can do. I will put only one rule for suggestions, not even a rule but a consideration. My mom will hopefully be reading this. She's cool but just think of her please. My goal is to do 52 projects in the next 52 weeks and write an entry everyday , even just to say I'm sick. The writing starts today but since I already started projects, I have a sock done, the year started on the 1^st. Hopefully I can make up some entries.

         So now I guess, after all this you are wondering why so unhappy? What's so wrong with my life? It's not that my life is so horrible. I actually find it is when you start to have some level of comfort, not too much stress and struggle over money, that this type of issue rear their head. Not that I haven't had those years of struggle, three jobs at once and working 80 hours a week, lord knows I have had stress years. But now I have a decent job, I work for the government, with benefits and a pension which will be 70% of my annual pay when I retire. That's the plan. It's a good plan. Problem is it's not my plan. It's the plan I was given on plan day when someone looked at my plan and decided it wasn't good enough. So now, as decent and benefit filled as my job is, it doesn't make me happy. At best, it doesn't challenge me, at worst it's unfulfilling. Really anyone, anyone who can read, could do my job. Literally. I often call myself a clerk monkey because the smarter chimps could do it. The environment is great. I work with an amazing team and my boss is the absolute best. I am very lucky in that aspect. It's honest work, no bribes, no breaking laws, no scandals but.....no adventure of any kind. I sort of help people, getting what people need but not really. I could be replaced tomorrow. Kinda makes you feel insignificant doesn't it? Exactly. That's my problem, I feel insignificant, in my job, with my family (I come from a very big family) and in my life, in general. Others' needs and wants are always more important. So I decided, no more, I am going to stop playing the role of the best friend and start being the leading lady in my own life. (Thank-you, Arthur Abbott.) There is someone that I'm suppose to be, and finally I'm going to find out who she is.